The Enemy of Success
Recently a young mom asked me, “What constitutes a successful mother?” It was a powerful question without a definitive answer. Success is subjective, it’s subject to the unique past, pain, purpose, and vision of each person.
Being a latch-key kid from the 80’s my definition of success was being a stay-at-home mom. For my best friend whose teen years were filled with the financial insecurity that accompanies many single parent families, success was being financially independent. While our goals were wildly different and our journey’s looked nothing alike, we both achieved success. Success can not be defined by the opinions or expectations of others because it is not achieved when you hit their goal. Success is achieved when you hit your own goal. While the definition of success is different for everyone, all success shares a common enemy, comparison.
The world we live in is full of noise beckoning us to the playground of comparison. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating personal relationships, or learning a new skill, you must resist the temptation to compare. As humans we are bound to share purpose and passion. But we are uniquely gifted to bring our message and service to the world. When we get caught in the comparison trap we focus on the highlights of another’s journey and rarely see the failures, roadblocks, or resistance they encountered along the way. It’s an unfair scale that stifles your progress and fills your mind with envy, self-doubt, and paralyzing indecision.
Comparison is born from a scarcity mindset. Scarcity says there is only so much success, money, promotion, love etc…to go around. When our mind is operating from fear of not getting “ours” then we'll focus on how everyone else is succeeding rather than doing the next best thing on our own journey. Let us not get caught chasing our dream trying to use the gifts or steal the light of another.
You are not in competition with the people who share your passions. Your only competition is who you were yesterday. Did you put in more effort than yesterday? Did you step out of your comfort zone? Did you keep the promise you made to yourself? If the answer is yes, then you achieved success for that day. Since consistency compounds, progress may seem small and even go unnoticed day to day, but over time you will reach the finish line.
Let me be clear, I am not saying to lower your bar or minimize your dreams. Mentors, vision boards, great books, and surrounding yourself with people that pull you up are vital tools in the pursuit of purposeful living. However we must be careful not to mistake inspiration and envy. Comparison that leads to envy will always sabotage progress. Healthy inspiration should empower you to embrace authenticity, cheer for your colleagues, and stay focused on your mission. Resist comparison by focusing on the passions that make YOUR heart sing, replace unhealthy habits for ones that get you closer to your goals, and keep the promises you make to yourself. Every person on this planet has the capacity for success. What is your version of success?
Journal Prompts
Week-1
What are 3 things you are grateful for?
What area of your life are you most tempted to compare to others?
How do you feel when you spend your mental energy tearing yourself or others down through comparison?
How do you feel when you lift others up?
Week -2
What are 3 things you are grateful for?
What did your childhood dream for the future look like?
Did you believe your childhood dream was possible, why or why not?
Are you still chasing that dream if not what stopped you?
What is your dream today?
Week3-
What are 3 things are you grateful for?
If you could do anything in the world what would it be?
What is your definition of success?
What is something you have already succeeded at?
What did you do that made it a success?
Week 4 -
What are 3 things you are grateful for?
What about success scares you?
What about success excites you?
Write a very detailed description of what your life will look like in 5 years if you succeed at your dreams…
What is one thing you can do today to open the door to your dream?